If you find yourself doubting your cat breeding practices, feeling guilty, or reluctant to make decisions, you might be experiencing gaslighting.

Gaslighting means manipulating someone into doubting their own experiences and perceptions. This can mean questioning your methods or beliefs because of what others say is the “right” way. It’s more common in the pedigree cat breeding community than you would think.

In this podcast episode, we’ll talk about the top things that breeders tend to gas light each other about. It’s important to remember that your breeding practices are your own, and not even a mentor has the right to tell you how you should run your cattery.

Gaslighting in Cat Breeding: April Katito Calls It Out

Hey, cat fam! I’m fired up for this one. Today, we’re tackling gaslighting—yep, that sneaky, manipulative nonsense that’s running rampant in the pedigree cat breeding world.

What Is Gaslighting?

If you’re new to the term, here’s the quick and dirty: gaslighting is when someone messes with your head, making you doubt your own reality, experiences, or decisions. It’s not always intentional—some folks don’t even realize they’re doing it—but it happens all the time in our little cat-breeding bubble. You’ve got “experts” spouting “truths,” and suddenly you’re second-guessing everything you thought you knew. Sound familiar? Let’s break it down.

How to Spot the Gaslighting Trap

You don’t need to be in a screaming match to feel gaslit. It can creep in quietly. Here’s what to watch for:

• Self-Doubt Kicks In: You’re doing your thing, then you read a post or watch a video and think, “Wait, am I totally off-base here?” Even though your experience says otherwise.
• Guilt or Paralysis: You’re scared to make a move in your cattery because someone’s got you feeling like every choice is wrong.
• Apologizing to a Mentor: If you’re constantly saying “sorry” or feeling like you’re failing them, red flag.
• Fear of Questions: This one kills me—I get DMs all day from breeders too terrified to ask stuff publicly. Why are we afraid to speak up in our own community? That’s not right.

It’s mind-boggling that newbies feel this way in a niche like ours. What kind of gatekeepers are turning a passion into a pressure cooker?

Why Do They Gaslight?

Here’s my take: it’s about control. Some breeders don’t want to lift you up—they want to steer you, shape you, or even scare you off entirely. I’ve seen it happen—newbies get so rattled they quit before they even start. It’s not about helping; it’s about power trips or hidden agendas. And honestly? That’s bullshit.

The Top Gaslighting Topics in Cat Breeding

I’ve got a list of the biggest culprits—topics where opinions get slung around like facts, and you’re left questioning your sanity. I’m not here to debate each one (we do that in our Trigger Warning Episodes). But I am going to call them out.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. What You Should Feed Your Cats: Everyone’s got the diet, right?
2. How Often to Breed a Female: Breed her too much, too little—someone’s always judging.
3. You Must Show Your Cats: Like it’s a breeder badge of honor or you’re a fraud.
4. Three Heat Cycles = Pyometra: Scare tactic much?
5. No Mentor, No Success: As if you’re doomed without a guru.
6. Importing Cats Is Evil: Cue the pitchforks.
7. Cats Can’t Live Apart from Family: Guilt trip activated.
8. Kittens Go Home Before 16 Weeks? Sinful: Timing rules gone wild.
9. Not Altering Kittens Before Rehoming: You’re the devil if you don’t.
10. Profit = You’re Trash: Heaven forbid you make a buck.
11. Prove Yourself with a Fixed Kitten First: Buy, alter, show—then maybe you’re worthy.
12. At least 100 Other items, all designed to create over-hype and drama.

These aren’t facts—they’re opinions dressed up as gospel. And they’re brainwashing newbies left and right.

How to Break Free

Want the real scoop? Start with this: your cattery, your rules. Sure, we learn from each other—experience is gold—but mistakes aren’t the apocalypse. And guess what? No one gets to dictate your journey, not even a mentor.

Their job is to guide, not control. My advice? Talk to multiple people. No one’s got the monopoly on “right.” What works for me might flop for you, and that’s okay.

At Cat Breeder Sensei, we built a space for this exact reason—no judgment, no intimidation, just real talk. Breeding’s supposed to be fun, damn it—not a misery fest run by high-strung know-it-alls.

Own Your Path

So, go out there, screw up, and figure it out. That’s how you learn what’s right for you. Join our No Judgment Zone Pedigree Cat Breeder Community on Facebook—it’s a safe spot to ask anything, no attacks allowed (jerks get the boot, no warning). Plus, we’ve got courses for newbies and pros alike.

Keep your head up, trust your gut, and make good choices out there. You’re an awesome cat breeder. Catch you next time!

For a supportive community free from negativity, join our Facebook group, “No Judgement Zone: Pedigree Cat Breeder Community.” Here, you can ask questions and share experiences without fear of judgment.